I think journaling helps me to look back in the past and give thanks for the now. My tutor’s blog entry on waiting reminded me of my looong season of waiting, and to encourage her with what encouraged me, I went to look up the specific quote/ entry that I put close to my heart last year.
It is in the waiting that our hearts are enlarged. The waiting does not diminish us. As a pregnant woman is enlarged in her waiting, so are our hearts. God does not always rescue us of a painful season. You know that He does not always give to us what we so desperately want when we want it. He is after something much more valuable than our happiness. Much more substantive than our health. He is restoring and growing in us an eternal weight of glory. And sometimes… it hurts.
(Captivating, John & Stasi Eldredge)
Indeed that was what I held closely. To acknowledge that God was more interested in what I was going through and really, not so much about where I’ll be but how I’ll be. He’s interested in me, as in me, more than anything else.
So as I looked back on the past year, I become thankful for this year and I came to the conclusion that life always gets better. This year is better than last year. And I believe that next year will always be better than this year, and I hope He is preparing me for next year.
Of late, I have been worrying. Worrying about things I shouldn’t be worrying. And I remember sometime back in 2006 when I experienced His joy – the fullness of joy. During that season, I was filled with a joy that I couldn’t quite describe. All I knew was that I was very happy then, with what, I didn’t know. But I was just happy. And in 2008, my friend (whom I met in one of the in service courses, and who is now my classmate) said I looked radiant as though I was well pampered by a life-partner.
I need that joy back. And how could I not be happy when this life-partner, the Lord Himself, promises that nothing could ever separate me from His love. If a human being were to always be there and say, “Don’t worry a thing. I will settle everything for you. I will take care of everything – your future, your life, your health, your everything”, wouldn’t you be so assured? And now the Lord Himself is telling you that, shouldn’t you be a happy woman, with no worries and live each day well, knowing that Someone IS really taking care of you. I need to come to this point to know that I’m wooed by the Lord Himself, and He will take care of me. I need not worry. Afterall, He said, “Fear not. I will help you”. The King is saying HE will help me. So what am I worrying about?
