Create something out of nothingness
I felt so dry. When I was reading my bible last night, with the Mandarin worship CD playing at the background, tears started rolling down. I couldn’t express what I wanted to say or even how I felt. Tears just came so I went to the usual spot in my room and just poured out my heart.
I told Him that was this strong sense of unworthiness in me and I need His grace. If prayer is such an important aspect of a Christian walk, why is it so difficult to come to You in prayer? I feel as if I know nothing and am so unworthy. The most inner stuff I poured it all out and went to bed.
This afternoon when I went for Ps James’ meeting, I was ministered in a very different way. I was supposed to be an usher, to usher people to their seats. During altar call, Ps James asked specific people to come forward and he prayed for them. I was standing behind this lady in blue and Ps James prayed for her. I was supposed to “catch” her in case she falls under the power of the Holy Spirit. She was already sobbing and after Ps prayed for her, he signaled me to pray for her and hug her. So I hugged her like how Aunty Cythnia hugged the lady next to me. And I prayed for this lady. Her crying makes me wanna cry too and I hugged her for the longest while. I was reminded of myself (the night before when I cried before the Lord). If my heart was broken for someone whom I did not even know, Jesus’ heart must be so broken and He definitely would be hugging her closer than anyone could ever imagine. At the same time, I was also greatly humbled when Ps asked me to pray for her because we were at the altar call. Not anywhere else but the altar call! This was something beyond my mind’s imagination. I mean who am I to pray for her?
Then we moved to pray for a Filipino’s pastor’s wife. Ps was praying for the couple and he asked me to lay my hand upon the wife’s chest when he prayed. I did and the next moment I knew, the wife fell under the power of the Holy Spirit and thankfully, I caught hold and she was on the floor. I don’t know why but Ps asked me to lay my hand on her stomach and pray. I just did until she got up and sat up. I then moved back to the lady in blue and continued to sit next to her as she continued sobbing before the Lord.
Today’s session was so close to my heart because God used me in a different way. Something I never had imagined before. Something that humbled me. Something that answers to this prayer – I give You my nothingness. Please create something out of it. I really have nothing. In fact, the night before I was going through such a strong sense of unworthiness that I myself was crying before the Lord. I’m very thankful that He is willing to use me to (hopefully) minister to someone. Thank You.
